How to Enjoy Valentine’s Day If You’re Single

How to Enjoy Valentine’s Day If You’re Single

After the success of publishing her eBook last year, she is taking the content and turning it into a full online course that will walk singles through every step of writing their profile, choosing the right people to message and crafting personal messages that will get guaranteed responses. Charlie is looking for 6 OkCupid experts to beta test this part of the course and her refine the techniques. There are many sections that are under development and right now it will only be available in the online course and to the 6 lucky users in the beta group. If you are interested in being one of the six people, please CLICK HERE for more details and email Charlie Nox personally at [email protected] with answers to the specific questions she provides on her blog. Thoughts? Let me know in the comment section below!  Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Advert Hurdles. One definition of a hurdle is: difficulty or obstacle: a difficulty or obstacle that has to be overcome. Another definition is: an expert sexual maneuver perfected and tested by LeRoy Jenkins Sr. in the Epic Porno Classic ‘To @#$% and @#$%^ a @#$% bird.’ Fortunately for you, dear reader, we’re focusing on the first definition. Relationships, hell, just dating, provide us with many, many hurdles. Obstacles that must be crossed in order to evolve individually and together; these hurdles manifest themselves in different ways: sometimes in the form of jealousy over time spent with friends, sometimes in the form of furious anger over leaving the toilet seat up again. Those, however, are far more confrontational in nature and not every hurdle falls into this category. I have a set of obstacles, a course really, that has been in place for any woman that I do want to have coitus with. Yes, I said “coitus,” and I used it because it seemed like a good idea!

Moving on… My obstacle course is varied and balanced. Some random girl from the bar doesn’t need to run this course that I’ve devised. However, the gal I intend to take home to mama does! First off, I test for open mindedness and, also, strength of conviction. I understand that I’m not going to agree with my woman every time. It’s okay for her to be wrong, when she doesn’t agree with me (see what I did there?). I’m okay with it. Does she bend to easily or does she stick to her innate/genetic predisposition to be wrong? Ladies, men will respect you more if you stick to your guns, even when you’re wrong… which is likely to be every day ending in “Y.” The next test is the friendship compatibility test. Can I tolerate her friends and enjoy my time with them? Do my friends tolerate my new love interest? This part of the course has multiple parts, you see. The first group of friends are the ones I spend the most time with. If these people don’t approve of her then what do I do?

Do I stop hanging out with those people? Highly unlikely; the thought listed here is that there are other, more compatible, fish in the sea and that I’m pretty talented at finding them. If she passed that first wave of friends, then that’s a good sign. The next phase here is to find the quirky and weird friend which will or may not have grown up. This friend is a potential powder keg waiting to go ape shit on you and the new beau. “Hey, that sort of thing NEVER happens,” you cry. I know better. Once upon a rainy drunken Tuesday night, I brought a girl with me to a bar to meet up with a friend of mine. This “friend” managed to be very drunk and very “playful,” if you will. He managed to plant his face into my date’s cleavage, brought up another girl I’d not-so-recently stopped dating (my date was a little miffed at the time because she thought I was seeing another woman and barely ended it, which wasn’t the case). At the end of the night, my still fuming date helped me drag this guy to her car for the long ride home. Yep, he vomited in her car, in what was a nice way to cap a phenomenal evening of torture and assorted crap. I have one final test. It’s friend whose opinion I trust.

They shoot straight and tell me the truth; the things I don’t want to hear. Typically, this involves dinner with the friend in question, perhaps a jaunt to the local pub, giving them the chance to explore how amazing I am. There, of course, are specialty obstacles in my course. Sex is very much a hurdle to be cleared, as it’s a great indicator of physical chemistry. I’d say that most women would rather have no sex than bad sex.

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Am I right, there? For us guys, we’re just REALLY happy to “be there.” Joking aside, sexual compatibility has a huge impact on a relationship’s success. Trust me, you notice it when it isn’t there and it’s only a matter of time before someone gets dumped. Whether we’re aware of it or not, we all have “hurdles” and “hoops” that we make our potential long term lovers jump through.  It’s just the nature of the compatibility game. What are some of your hurdles? What crazy things have you learned during the whole courting process? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details Tagged in: Dating You’re scrolling through Tinder. Swipe left. Left, Left, Left. And then Right! What made you swipe right? It’s probably because something about their profile picture spoke to you. These are the 12 types of profile pictures you’ll often see on Tinder and these are the tips (or lack thereof) of what you should do about them. 1. The Selfie This is by far the most common and most exploited! It can look effortlessly flawless on one hand, whereas done wrong, are super tacky. Too many of them consist of the following: gym, bathroom mirror, car seat. Pick an interesting place and any other expression besides duck face. Please.

2. The Half Nakey Show lot of skin in your profile and people will get it! And if that’s what you want and aim for, then all the power to ya. But if not, you can always strategically find pictures that are as equally as attractive. Don’t underestimate the power of mystery. Less can really be more sexy when done right. Bring out those curves/abs and the style with finesse. 3. The Anonymous This is the user that hides either behind a quote, meme, or blank screen. This person never shows their full face.

Just seems very, very sketchy and even if that person were private, where’s that appealing confidence!? 4. The Pet In order to make guys look ‘portrayed’ as innocent and sweet. Also could just be there because he or she is indeed a Cat/Dog/Bunny parent. Use this sparingly. Swipers might like the pet more than the pet owner after all. 5. The Prize This could be a picture of a collegiate diploma, a grand fish you caught, a meeting with a celebrity, a shiny luxury car, a breathtaking nature scene, some fancy cake you made, some other attractive person, a daring stunt, a trophy, etc. It really boils down to what you physically value and it will inadvertently give that impression whether you like it or not. 6. The Couple I need to put this one as a disclaimer photo because they appear on Tinder more than you might think. The one poly couple or the married couple that wants to explore what’s available to you. Yeah, they exist. So if you swipe right, you swipe for them both! 7. The Influenced “Influenced” aka under the booze, 420, or cigarette butt. If 3 out of 4 of your pictures are images of you, at the bar under flashlight photography, one’s probably not thinking, “Yeah, this one’s an introverted recluse.” Be mindful of what you want to convey honestly. Including your everyday habits.

8. The Chameleon This can be easily filed under “The Anonymous” because it begets the same reaction. Though, this is distinctly about someone trying to hide behind another—whether that is a twin sibling, another friend, and a huge group of friends. Come on! Just get noticed on your own! Tinder’ers want to you anyway. 9. The Foodie Need I explain more? Your Tinder is probably mostly Instagram photos of your foodie adventures. 10. The Crowd This very telling in that the Crowd you put on display is the social crowd you most value. Is the ‘crowd’ your family, your esteemed colleagues, your frat, your soccer team, your arm candy, your clients, or your fellow bar hoppers?

11. The Photo Shop The senior photo. The photo shoot. The monochromatic or sepia tones. The ambient lighting. Nice to have these photos in the mix. Just make sure to include some photos of you in real-life natural lighting. Makes your profile seem a lot more authentic and well-rounded and therefore attractive. 12. The Original This is the truly picturesque photo in that it’s one of these above 11 types but with a twist. Like…it’s a selfie of you, wearing stylish boots, on the Alps with your two close friends and pet wolf named Skylar. I mean can you get more original than that?

If you had the time or that IS your life, yes. If not, try a Little more. All the best, Tinder-ers! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating, Opinion, Tips & Advice Tagged in: tinder, tinder dating onlinedating, tinder tips for guys A lot of guys go into clubs KNOWING they need to get noticed. It’s a loud place and it’s hard to make yourself heard.

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Having a way to convey social status in clubs is mandatory if you want to increase the rate with which women respond to you. Ok, so showing up with 2 gals by your arms or sitting the VIP lounge is enough to attract attention. But what if you can’t pull this off? There’s a simple way to get noticed in virtually any crowd ( for now) and it is called style. Some refer to it as fashion but that’s not exactly the case. There’s just one catch. In order to make it work, you need to do it right from the beginning.

You have to be open-minded to new ideas before and not dismiss them just because your initial impression was not the right one. That being said, let’s get started with the 5 style tricks that you can use right now to catch female attention in any club. #1 Wear a patterned shirt in a light color. For instance, a white shirt with black microchecks or a light blue shirt with thin dark blue stripes. The white is there because you need to get noticed in the dark place all clubs are. The pattern is there to stand out from all the other guys who are wearing white shirts or t-shirts. The last thing you want is to look like every other guy. To take things further, how about a pair of chinos? Khaki, blue, red or green will work, you just need to make them assist your shirt. So let’s say you found a white shirt with thin green stripes. You can match that with a pair of dark green chinos, or you can wear it with dark gray pants, a black waistcoat and a light blue pocket square. We’re just playing with colors here, repeating them even though they have different levels of intensity (martial match). #2 Wear at least 2 accessories Anyone can throw a pendant or a bracelet but very few guys take it further and add a second one. There are two good reasons for this.

One of them is that they afraid of what people might think of them. Let me tell you right away that you’re going to a club and the more you stand out the better. In fact, since it’s dark inside, it’s going to be harder to notice both your accessories so wearing 2 inside a club is like wearing one outside. The second one is that they don’t know how to match them. That I can help you with. A few easy examples include wearing 2 bracelets of the same color, one on each hand (make sure they have different designs though), A more complicated example implies a red pocket square and a pair of red cufflinks. Take a look: #3 Wear a hat Hats may not be appropriate indoors but a nice fedora will definitely prompt you to noticeable in a sea of guys all dressed alike. Plus, they’ll add a few inches to your height instantly. Now, issued, not everyone can wear them so the best way is to just try a few of them. I recommend you try on a few fedoras as they have the best looking shape in addition they fit most head shapes. But you don’t want to stop here. You can try to match the hat to your outfit. For instance, if you have a black fedora, how about wearing a black waistcoat, black shoes or even a black shirt? You can take things even further and add a black leather bracelet. Or, if you’re lucky enough to find a fedora that has a side band of a different color than the rest of the hat, you can just match that with something as crazy as a pocket square.

Up to you.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Fashion Tagged in: how to dress for a club, how to get noticed First of all, while I come not to praise Fifty Shades of Grey, neither do I come to bury it. The bashing and dissecting of its prose style and its depictions of D/s relationships have already been done, sometimes to excess. Whatever its flaws might be, if the Fifty Shades makes you feel a nice, sexy glow in your nether regions, that’s fine. Embrace the fantasy and enjoy it to your heart’s content. But one word in that last sentence is critical to keeping your sex life healthy, pleasurable, and safe: fantasy.

Above all else, the Fifty Shades trilogy is a fantasy. Acting it out in real life is about as safe as if I were to act out my lifelong fantasy of being Spider-Man by putting on tights, jumping off the tallest building I could find, and trying to shoot webs from my wrist. While I might be able to provide a sterling example that yes, a free-falling mass does accelerate towards the earth at 9.8 m/sec2, that’s definitely not what’s been driving my fantasies of webslinging since I was a wee lad. # One of the leading criticisms of Fifty Shades has been that Ana and Christian’s relationship is manipulative, abusive, and that he regularly violates consent. Betty Mars and Bastard Keith covered all of these criticisms more cogently than I can in their review last week. Even if you acknowledge that as the reality, the fantasy can still be compelling. If you are interested in trying out BDSM for the first time, there are lots of techniques to do it safely and pleasurably, and a lot of resources to help you do so. When you ask most experienced kinksters what the difference is between BDSM and abuse, they will almost always give you some variation on a single answer: “BDSM is consensual.” The problem with this answer is that it’s both correct and depressingly inadequate. Consent — sexual or otherwise — is highly complicated. Even people who have been in the scene for years have heated debates over it, and sometimes they get it wrong.

As a primer to thinking about the issues of how to protect yourself while acting out your secret evil desires, I will suggest that you look to the comics. Specifically, this comic by Erika Moen and Abby Howard condenses a lot of basic advice into a very small space: Have your first meeting in a public place, don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, if you’re acting as the dom, periodically check in with the sub, whether they use their safeword or not. When I was thinking about this piece, I talked to Ernest Greene, a well-known adult film director and the Executive Editor of Hustler Taboo. In the name of full disclosure, I have a business relationship with Ernest; I edited and published his new erotic novel, Master of O as part of my day job at Daedalus Publishing, which specializes in books about kink. The sex in Ernest’s book is pretty graphic and intense, but in all cases, the consent of all parties is enthusiastic and clear. “In BDSM, consent is more than just the absence of ‘no,’” he said. “It’s not obtained by manipulation or overcoming resistance. It’s a freely given, enthusiastic affirmation of a desire to engage in specific activities… No matter what roles people may choose to adopt for purposes of mutual enjoyment, for consent to be meaningful it must be an expression of mutual desire between equals.” The most important point in that passage is this: consent is more than a “yes” or a “no,” or whether the sub uses their safeword or not. It’s a process, not a simple action. Saying “yes” isn’t consent if it’s given because of badgering, intimidation, threats, pressure, or humiliation; it’s useless for a sub to have a safeword if they’ve already been made to feel like they’re failing their dom by using it. As BDSM has moved more towards the mainstream, we’ve seen more examples of abusers who have tried to disguise their abuse as kink gone wrong. Perhaps one of the most notorious examples happened last October, when the Canadian DJ and interviewer Jian Ghomeshi was fired by the CBC when it turned out that he had a habit of beating up his dates. Ghomeshi initially tried to claim that he was being persecuted for his private sexual preferences. The problem was that Ghomeshi hadn’t bothered negotiating consent with any of these women; he just took them home and attacked them.

In at least one case, he’s charged with choking a woman into submission. I’ve known people who actually would consider choking or suffocation something you do on a really hot date, but implicit in that types of scene is a huge amount of trust. For such a potentially scary and dangerous scene, the partners would almost certainly negotiate it in detail beforehand; the sub makes sure they feel comfortable that the dom knows what they’re doing, and will stop if the sub shows signs of being in trouble. The dom, in turn, would make sure that they understand how far the sub is willing to go, and pay careful attention for signs of distress or perhaps a sub makes a safe-signal or not. Choking somebody without an explicit agreement and careful attention to their safety isn’t kink; it’s assault. Even in BDSM circles, breath play is one of those things that will make many kinksters flinch. Most will approach such play with extreme caution, if at all. There are even those, like author and educator Jay Wiseman, who thinks it can’t be done responsibly under any circumstances. In a more recent incident, Mohammad Hossain, a student at the University of Illinois at Chicago, was arrested on charges of raping and beating one of his fellow students. He allegedly told the arresting officers that he was re-enacting scenes from the film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. Whether Hossain got the idea from Fifty Shades or that’s an excuse he came up with out of last-minute desperation doesn’t really matter. According to the woman, they hadn’t negotiated any such scene, and when she pleaded for him to stop, he held her arms down and raped her. Hopefully I don’t have to explain why this isn’t even remotely acceptable. # The bad news is that kink communities often have equivalent problems dealing with consent and abuse as people in the mainstream. Although kinksters are legendary for having endless, heated debates about the ethics of consent and safer sex techniques, the reality of how those ethics are put into action can be very different.

perhaps one of the most outspoken activists on the issue of abuse within kinky communities and the need to respond to it is Kitty Stryker, the co-founder and editor of Consent Culture. Besides her own material, Kitty has a great resource list gathered from around the Internet on consent issues and support for abuse victims. When abuse happens within a kinky community, the victim faces some extra issues. Not only do they face the usual slut-shaming and speculation that they might be making the whole thing up, but the very fact that it happened in a dungeon or at a sex party can close off a lot of potential avenues. Going to the police may not be an option for people who are trans, queer, poor, or identify with other alternative sexualities or genders. Counselors and therapists might interpret an interest in BDSM to itself be a sign of mental illness. BDSM communities themselves often fail to support their members who have survived abuse by other members. This is partly because there’s still huge amounts of stigma against most sex that’s not strictly of the cisgendered, heterosexual, ten-toes-up-ten-down type, and meaning that drawing attention from the outside world can have consequences.